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Temple Addendum
On this page I'll discuss my temple experience after-thoughts. This is only a preliminary edition.
I'll write more in time, because I've had so many thoughts about my experiences, and life and god.
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Questions & Observations
Why Swans? Why not doves, peacocks, or elephants?
And why two, a perfectly symmetrical pair, moving in unison? Why not seven swans a-swimming and a partridge in a pear tree...
Surely this has intentional meaning, and maybe I've found it in Yoga and ancient Hindu beliefs.
Long ago I did read somewhere, possibly in Vedic scripture, that in times of great distress god may visit us as a swan, but I can't recall the source. Of course the swan is a symbol of grace, peace, tranquility, love, and swans pair bond for life, which in this case might represent an eternal bond between god and myself. And that night I did plead with god to not forget or abandon me. But I feel like there is an even deeper meaning. One perhaps meant to guide me toward the path of enlightenment, liberation, or moksha.
The lines on the entrance walls formed no recognizable image or symbols, but it certainly felt like an ancient language communicating with me, welcoming me inside. And they all interconnected forming a harmonious unified 360 degree pattern.
I can't say if the precious metal and gem inlay had meaning, but it was quite beautiful and I wish I could show you.
The pure, crystal clear, sparking luminous water in the swan pool or fountain was truly a living element. I felt it radiating a powerful life-giving soul nourishing energy. One might say it was the proverbial or biblical fountain of life.
Psalm 36:9 states, "For with you is the fountain of life; in your light shall we see light".
In Hindu tradition the phrase 'Om Bhoor Bhuvah Svah' is generally added to mantras, when recited.
Om represents the Supreme Consciousness, or God.
Bhoor, Bhuvah, and Svah are the three planes or levels of consciousness.
Bhuh/Bhoor (Earth) - Bhuvah (Atmosphere) - Svah/Swaha (Beyond atmosphere, Heaven).
Hmm. There were 3 stages to my temple experience. First the stone chambers (Bhoor). Next the crystal corridor in space (Bhuvah). Third the temple swans, or God. (Swaha).
It may seem odd for god, or angels, or deities to manifest as animals, not humanoid form. But I'm perfectly comfortable with it.
I look up to these swan entities as higher holy beings to be revered. And I see myself as a cygnet, a baby swan, an ugly duckling, a child, a work in progress. I'm not on their lofty level yet, but I am the same soul. You are too. In spirit; We are all One.
Impact
It's difficult to describe exactly how I felt in the days, weeks and months following this epiphany. I've never felt anything even close to it before or after.
For one thing I felt extremely humble, and in awe, and glowing with god's light. But also confused or conflicted. I wanted to abandon my career, quit my job and leave everything behind, wander the world seeking higher truth and spreading god's love. This was an incredibly powerful urge.
Also I distinctly recall feeling as if I literally wanted to bathe the feet of the elderly and sickly, or something similarly humble, selfless and giving.
In short I felt a very strong calling, but I had no direction, and unfortunately bills must be paid! I'm pretty sure this experience occurred on a weekday evening, and I had to go straight back to work early in the morning, leaving me no time to rest and reflect.
The swan angels didn't speak a word. (because they were Mute swan hehe). Point is I wasn't instructed to go anywhere or do anything, change my life course, and I couldn't just quit my job and starve on the streets. Or wander off into the desert like John the Baptist. So I dragged myself back to the daily grind, and in the years, now decades passed, I gave of myself to others in the best ways I could, even if it wasn't foot bathing or any impressive accomplishment.
Is there a down or difficult side to a spiritual epiphany such as mine? At the risk of sounding irreverent, I'd have to say yes. Don't misunderstand me please. I am, and always will be deeply grateful for god's gift. However there are immediate and lasting psychological consequences attached to such a powerful revelation. Things most people wouldn't consider.
As I'd mentioned above, I was strongly compelled to quit my job, step out of mainstream society, and wander off somewhere seeking higher truth, freedom, liberation. I was having an existential crisis. That's an unsettling and risky way to feel, and I'm glad I resisted the urge, because America is not the kind of place people can just quit working and head to the hills to meditate in a cave for years to come.
All I know is my eyes were wide open for the very first time, and I saw the world in a new and different light, and I knew I'd never be quite the same.
On one hand I felt more patient, compassionate and understanding, but on the other hand the stark contrast between true spiritual bliss and peace, god's immaculate love and light -- and the selfish, shallow, materialistic consumerism driven aspect of society, was hard to tolerate.
In ways the world shocked and disgusted me more than ever before. I didn't become misanthropic, but I found modern western culture much less palatable, and I wanted to distance myself, and avoid those who had no spiritual awareness, and those who were too closed-minded to converse with. Yet I also felt compelled to spread god's "word", which was essentially peace and love. I also felt a heightened aversion toward harming any living creature, and I recall painfully permitting mosquito swarms to drink my blood, rather than swat them, like what a Jainist monk or Sadhu might do.
That was a difficult and confusing time for me. I wondered should I become vegetarian, and should I attempt to cease doing anything that might in any way bring harm to humans or animals, including insects. I wondered should I stop drinking, smoking, swearing, sexually or even romantically desiring women, and if my negative, imperfect or impure thoughts and actions were offensive to god.
I spent a lot of time second-guessing myself and I have to say, so many questions, so much inner conflict and self-examination isn't easy to manage. You can literallly drive yourself crazy. And it was compounded with feelings of deep regret, guilt and shame over my past and present mistakes and misdeeds. I was very harsh on myself, and I still am today. Not to the point of self-flagellation, but harsh enough to where I sometimes feel completely unworthy of god's love. Unworthy of even prayer, or otherwise communicating with god. But I will not stop.
I sometimes struggle to accept I'm only human after all, and not a very nice or bright one at that. Friends have said I've got to forgive myself, but they were not visited by angels or god. They cannot truly comprehend what I've been going through internally for the past three decades.
Many thoughts have crossed my mind over the decades. Did I miss something important? Should I have chosen a more spiritual path of some sort? Have I disappointed or failed god by not pursuing a chaste, pious, puritanical lifestyle?
Lord knows, a saint I ain't. I've said and done many regrettable things since my time in the temple. Certainly the experience didn't magically transform me into a holy prophet or messiah, resplendent with divine wisdom and shining heart of gold.
If I were a mystic, I'd be the Rasputin variety, indulging in women, drink, and bad behavior. 
You'll never hear me claim otherwise.
Another consideration for those who may have a mind-blowing spiritual revelation, a divine visitation is; despite however magnificent you may feel, and how eagerly you may yearn to share the message, to spread god's splendid love and light, remember most people will not be receptive, and others may be outright resentful. Many people have had bad experiences with religion or clergy, or perhaps a strict abusive religious upbringing, and there's the ethnic and political aspect, so you've got to be cautious in your approach.
I was burning with that love and light for many months to follow, and the feeling was so intense I almost wanted to grab strangers on the street, and say something silly like... "Have you seen the swans? The angels of God? Please let me share my story with you!". Fortunately I didn't go that far, but I did bend my mother's ear, babbling about my experience. She listened for a time, but as an atheist she was unreceptive. She probably thought I was drunk or stoned, or having a manic episode, and she quickly tired of the topic. Point is, although my intentions were good... I had to put a lid on my light. Over the years I did continue to share my story with a scant few who were open to it, but in time I pretty much stopped discussing anything spiritual with anyone.
Another important thing to remember, should god or angels visit, is we musn't speak for god. It's easy to mix our own thoughts, perceptions, opinions or beliefs with the experience, when relating it to others, or simply discussing spiritual topics. But none of us are qualified to speak for god. Some people might even become radicalized, or start thinking they're god's messenger, or soldier, and act accordingly. Then what was intended to be a blessing, becomes a curse.
Luckily I'm sane and balanced enough to know that I'm nobody special or unique. I'm ignorant and foolish. I have no brilliant insight into anything. But maybe that's another reason god chose to summon me to that heavenly temple, as opposed to others. Maybe god knew I wouldn't lose my marbles over it and go off the deep end, whereas other people might.
So there's the down side potential to a genuine spiritual epiphany. You might go nuts overthinking things, constantly questioning yourself and everything else about life, god and the cosmos. You might have an existential crisis, and make hasty, poor, and costly choices.
I suppose I've coped with all my paranormal experiences by just accepting the universe is bizarre, unexplained, inexplicable, and by rolling with the river flow of time, experience, existence, rather than freak out about it. Also by regularly reminding myself I am an intrinsic part of god. No less than a drop of sea water is part of the oceans. Wasn't that part of the temple message?
My consciousness literally merged with an astral crystal. Then my soul became ONE with the swans and the holy waters upon which they reside, and I felt wholly unified with the universe and with God.
Therefore no matter how badly I mess up, I must never feel so alienated that I stop prayer and worship. Lose my connection, and stray from the light; Lest I wind up right back to that horribly dark and scary place I was when my uncle was murdered.
Retrospect
I've often wondered, why would god choose me? Why respond to my prayers? I mean why not share that love and light with someone less fortunate, or more deserving, or with everyone on Earth? People pray all the time. Year after year. They pray their hearts and souls out. I only prayed once, and received an immediate response. It's really not fair!
I've been asking god that question a very long time. Also complaining about it to god, because I want every living thing to feel exactly what I felt. No answer yet.
I find it very hard to believe I'm the only person on the planet who has experienced something like this. Surely someone, somewhere, has seen these same swan. By sharing my story, I'm hoping those souls will find their way here. Because if they've been talking or writing about it, I haven't heard a word, and I cannot find them online. For all I know there's an esoteric swan clan out there somewhere. A family I belong to. The Mystical Order of Cygnus Olor, maybe. Have they been searching for me all these years? Am I the stray cygnet? The missing ugly duckling...
Looking back I could kick myself for not immediately documenting this experience in detail. I can't even say for sure what year it was, let alone the exact time and date. Winter months of early 1999 I am guessing.
All I can say is I was so blown away by what I was feeling ...
Time didn't seem to matter much anymore. I felt as if life is a fluid continuum, and it wasn't important I record anything, because my simple existence is the book of life, and my experiences are the words on the pages.
26 years and counting ... Rarely a day goes by I don't remember the swans, and I've drawn upon that precious memory many many times, for strength and hope in my darkest loneliest hours. For comfort I often doze off imagining I'm in that temple again.
In my mind I wander the chambers, walk the crystal path, sit by the fountain and talk to the swans, or recite the So'ham mantra. That is how I relax and pray, and it's a form of lifelong devotion.
Conclusion
It's impossible for me to prove any of my paranormal experiences were real or valid. Who can? However I'll offer this much evidence, with regard to the swans. For a long time I suffered from sleep paralysis. It's a pretty dreadful condition which began in my teens, shortly after I took to experimenting with astral projection. For over 20 years I endured fairly frequent paralysis, but after being blessed by these supernatural swan, my condition was cured 100%!
26+ years have since passed, and I've never again had a paralysis problem. I don't believe that is a coincidence. I believe these angelic deities cured my condition.
Thanks for reading and I hope you'll return to check upcoming additions. I have more to say.
I welcome reader feedback, insight, and to hear any personal paranormal experiences you'd like to share. Contact link is at the page bottom, although my webmail service is somewhat unreliable, and my life is rather unstable. If I don't reply, that may be why.
Should you decide to message, please bear in mind I'm just an ordinary guy, not a scholar or guru, hah.
I'm not well-read or educated, and despite my old-ish age -- my knowledge is sorely limited. I ask God the same questions all of us do, and I have far more questions than answers.
Instant
God bless and protect you all, my brothers and sisters. Stay true to the light!
